We need to learn to watch our mouths–and our keyboards!
Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. (James 3:5-6, NIV)
As I post blogs on various aspects of the Christian life, limited space necessitates a degree of shallowness. Anyone who has written a blog understands this. Another universal is the snarky comment. Most comments are encouraging, or questioning, or at least constructively critical. But I have found I average one snarky, sarcastic comment that doesn’t add anything to the discussion or to me for each blog post. I generally delete them. I wish I could say I ignore them, but I often find myself pondering why someone would take the time and energy to do something so totally useless. As a minister and a counselor, I can come up with many theological and psychological explanations. None of them erases the feeling of being reminded of man’s fallen nature. (NOTE: as the author of this blog, I also feel free to delete comments that are not appropriate to the blog discussion, though I usually will respond to the commenter if that person has used a valid email address.)
These remind me of what I have come to see as a skill that disciples of Jesus need to develop—the ability to bridle our tongue. In American parlance—we need to learn to watch our mouths—and our typing! Here are some principles from scripture I suggest we all review and practice. These are obviously not all scripture provides—just a starting point.
Principle: Listen!! He who answers before listening — that is his folly and his shame. (Proverbs 18:13, NIV). Most of the snarky comments I receive clearly show the commenter’s pet subjects, but often ignore the point of the blog itself.
Principle: Be open and honest. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. (Ephesians 4:25, NIV). We need to be sure of what we are saying, and not shade the truth in order to try to “win” an argument.
Principle: Say only what is positive, loving and useful. (Leave the snarky-ness and sarcasm behind). Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29, NIV) Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. (Ephesians 4:15, NIV). Too often we see discussions—verbal or written—as a tool for us to vent. In most cases, this is not only inappropriate, it ensures the discussion will not be productive.
Principle: How you say something is as important as what you say. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1, NIV). I frequently ask others to read what I have written before posting to ensure it isn’t worded in a way that distracts from the point. When I don’t, I usually regret it!
Principle: Communication is about understanding and building relationships, not “winning”. Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. (Romans 14:1, NIV). If we serve the King, that service includes what we say and how we say it. Paul emphasized this in Colossians 3:17: And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (NIV, emphasis added).
Principle: See those you are talking to (or arguing with) as people for whom Christ died, and speak and act accordingly. In his argument with those who believed eating meat sacrificed to idols was wrong, Paul stated bluntly that they were wrong and even weak because of their stance. However, when it came to his behavior, he showed love for these people because of how he viewed them. If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. (Romans 14:15, NIV).
By practicing these principles, we will communicate—understand and be understood—instead of arguing and debating, which are about winning, not listening or understanding. By practicing these principles, we make it more likely we are able to share the gospel, avoiding the caustic and divisive language many in the world have come to expect from us. By practicing these principles, we serve our King faithfully.
To apply these principles, I suggest that, before saying or writing something,
1) read it out loud to the Lord and ask His permission.
2) ask a trusted—and less emotionally invested—friend to read what you have written, or listen to what you plan to say.
3) reread each of the principles and ask yourself if what you want to say or write fits them.
4) ask God for wisdom.
Know Jesus and Be Faithful!