How Do I Love?
A Word from The Word: Love
One of the most often quoted words in the Bible is “love”. I find this word to be one of—if not the most misunderstood–words in the Bible. I have written of it before, but in other contexts, and a recent experience has reminded me of why it is so important.
First, we have to admit that when we say “love” we can’t be certain what it means without knowing which word it is. In the New Testament, there are several different words, each with a different meaning. So, for us to truly love, we have to start with the question, “What ‘love’ does He mean?” I often describe the process like this:
In Ephesians 5:25, Paul tells husbands to “love” their wives. We now have a command inspired by the Holy Spirit to love (There is no corresponding command to wives, though I think we are covered by “love your neighbor” or failing that, “love your enemy”!). The question is, what exactly is the Holy Spirit, through Paul, telling us to do? Are we to cherish her? Are we to like her? Are we to befriend her? Are we to desire her? How exactly are we to love her? The same dilemma presents itself much more forcefully when Jesus tells us to love our enemies—people who occupied his country and had the power to torture, enslave and even kill indiscriminately.
How are we to know what “love” means in these situations? To find out, I first look up the word “love” in Ephesians 5:25 using the Greek text, or an interlinear Bible or an exhaustive concordance—something everyone reading this is capable of doing! When I do, I find the word in this passage is agapao (the verb form of “agape”). So, we aren’t told to love as with phileo or eros, but agape. Now, what does that mean?
A brief search of Bible dictionaries will immediately clarify this. While eros is romantic or erotic love, and phileo is brotherly or friendship love, agape is altogether different. It has to do with a will for the best for the other—and a willingness to bring that about. So, to love my wife (or my enemy) is to do whatever is best for her. Combined with Paul’s words that we are to love our wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her, we are basically being commanded to do whatever is best for our wives until we are dead. Desire is irrelevant. Feeling is irrelevant, Though both can be pleasant and make the act of loving (agapao) more enjoyable, they are not necessary. Jesus certainly had no positive feelings for the man who was driving spikes through his body to nail Him to the cross! Yet He loved that man by asking the Father to forgive Him!
Virtually every command in the New Testament to love another uses this word. The reason is simple. We cannot will ourselves to feel friendship, much less attraction, for another. It is there or it is not. But we can will ourselves to do what is best for that person. The American Christian’s challenge is to apply this to people she simply doesn’t want to love. “Enemies” such as those who disagree with us politically or culturally are to be the object of our love—not our condemnation.
Showing agape does not mean we have to accept another’s behavior. In fact, accepting behavior that is sin without warning the sinner is the opposite of love. That person needs to be warned of the danger ahead. But Jesus didn’t just pronounce a warning. He first demonstrated His love by spending time with sinners, showing them He saw them as individuals and fellow human beings. Though He had every right, He didn’t condemn them—He only condemned their behavior, and in love, called them to repentance.
We need to ask what this looks like when interacting with people who are opposed to our positions on issues like abortion. We need to understand how to show love to homosexuals when we disagree with their behavior. In human relations, we are called to love above all else. Before correcting, before condemning, before staking out cultural stances—we are called to love.
How does the Holy Spirit want you to love others today? The disciple of Jesus doesn’t simply join the Christian crowd and shout down sin. He follows Jesus by showing love—meeting real needs—of others. Only then is his challenging of their behavior likely to gain a hearing.
Know Jesus and Be Faithful!
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